Happy Birthday to my beautiful 'acykaopepia' girl

Binder Park Zoo field trip 2006

With her cousin, Isabella
Christmas 2009

On this day (also a Thursday), 13 years ago at 9:48 a.m., the most adorable and wrinkly gift from God was placed into my arms for the first time. I was in awe. She was so tiny, so perfect, so ... scary!

 

My 19th birthday present that year was coming home from the hospital with my firstborn. I was madly in love with her. And I was terrified. She was so tiny, I was afraid I would break her legs every time I changed a diaper. I was physically unable to breastfeed, despite trying with great difficulty for 3 months. During that time, I was terrified she would starve to death. She had jaundice twice, and ended up being diagnosed lactose intolerant.

 

With step-dad Scott at our civil wedding
reception, June 19th, 2010

Goofing around with GakSplat at the
Sun Dried Fest in Mason, August 2011

She squaked and snorted, made noises and cried at times for absolutely no reason. By the time she was 6 months old, I knew she would be a talker. She was already starting to parrot the things adults said. By 7 months, she was pulling herself up on the couch and 'walking' sideways along it - she LOVED to do this and would go all the way from one end and back over and over, giggling the whole time. She was free walking by 9 months, and starting to run by 13 months. Her first 'real' word was spoken while watching Law & Order with me one night. They said Encyclopedia on the show, and she looked right at me and said "Acykaopepia, Mama?" For days she walked around with a book she claimed was, "My acykaopepia, Mama!" At her 1st birthday party, she was speaking in entire (short) sentences and basically hosted the party herself.

Community Softball Teams Tournament, Summer 2009

She has always been a combination of terrifying and amazing. I never knew it was possible to be so fiercely in love with and annoyed by someone at the same time until she turned 5. Incredibly intelligent, passionately artistic and musical, and wildly independent, she is insanely organized even when things appear messy, and yet procrastinates horribly.She calls herself my mini-me and constantly begs me to tell her stories about when I was growing up. She bottles things up inside and uses music to let it out. We are completely alike and vastly different. She has a mouthiness that is foreign to me, and a confidence that I still have not been able to acquire. She has a unique and striking beauty with eyes that sparkle when she is happy and smother when she is not, a beautiful and full mouth (that she got from my Daddy's side and I did not haha) that becomes the absolutely most gorgous smile on earth, and a warmth and empathy for others that you can feel just from being near her. She loves to make people smile, and is constantly making notes and pictures just to remind me that she loves me.

 

Her heart for God is incredible, she spends alot of time in prayer for the pain of others to be eased. She created what she calls her 'prayer station' in her room. It consists of a small Holy Water font that she received from our Priest one Christmas that hangs on the wall just at kneeling height. Below that hangs a tapestry of the face of Jesus, also a gift to her from our Priest. Next to that hangs a silver Crucifix (also a gift from our Priest), her Rosary, and a prayer card of Mary. She already has a devotion to our Blessed Mother that is far beyond her years, it is so amazing to see and hear! On the floor where she kneels, there is a small blanket to act as a cushion, and next to that, a basket filled with books about Mary, the Saints, and various prayer cards.

 

I could talk all day about her, but I should get some work done lol so I will end with this:

 

Today, I am so proud to call her daughter, and honored to be called Mama by her. She is my light, my beauty, my passion. I adore her, and could not possibly imagine my life without her. I thank God and pray for her heart every day. As we enter her teenage years together, my prayer is that she draw closer to God, that her desire to be in His presence continues to grow with each passing day. I pray that she never stops wanting hugs and kisses. I pray that her wounds heal, and that she continue to pray for the wounds of others. She is an amazing 13 year old, and today I feel like I'm back where I was, 13 years ago. Holding the most beautiful gift from God, both scared and excited about spending the future with her! 

 

 

Footprints and Scars

The beauty of a winter snowfall.

This morning, many of us woke up to the beautiful aftermath of an overnight snow. It's difficult to see such glorious, pure white draping everything and not be in awe! Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the trees and bushes seemed to be bending under their fluffy new blankets. I captured our firebush out front because it was astounding to me just how heavy this snowfall was. Even more so, how resilient nature seems to be in return, bending gracefully to bear the weight and somehow remaining unbroken.

 

The love of our Creator is much like a freshly fallen snow. Dazzling white and pure of defect, completely blanketing us, bringing us His complete and total wisdom, bending us under the all consuming fire of His heart - and yet not breaking the free will He gave us.

 

Footprints ... both haunting & beautiful.

Much like the footprints of the paperboy cutting across the lawns mar the beauty of the snow, the decisions we make also do so to the perfect relationship that is created when we first accept His love. No matter how pure our intentions at first, ultimately the temptations of sin lure all of us away at some time, in some way. When we return on our knees to The Father, he washes away the stains and we become pure again, like the earth after a new snowfall re-blankets nature.

 And what becomes of all those footprints? It's been said often lately that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same thing over and over achieving the same results every time. So what about us? Do we remember the mar's left behind from our 'shortcuts'? Or do we choose to stay on the sidewalk, even if it means taking a different or longer route than we are comfortable with?

 

It's so easy to fall into the trap of not learning from our past decisions. Words like 'mistake' and 'accident' too often get used in an attempt to excuse past bad behaviour. Soon we find ourselves cutting across the lawn again, leaving behind more footprints, more scars. We find ourselves like the prodigal son, on our knees, unworthy, before Our Father once again begging for His mercy and forgiveness.

 

Though the love of Christ is strong enough to wash away our sins each and every time we ask for forgiveness in true humility of spirit, there are long term effects left behing. Much like the footprints in the lawn leave indents even when covered by a new snowfall. Scars. They are a constant reminder to us that we are human and when we choose our way instead of His way, there are consequences.

 

The great news is that you have a choice what you will do with those scars. Will you hide them under a baggy pair of sweats and hoodie, or will you bear them as a reminder to yourself and a witness to others? There is a consequence, immediate and eternal for both. One will lead you further away from His love, the other brings you even closer to His heart. There is a beauty that can be found in exposing our scars. Learning from the wounds, leaning upon His love for healing, that is more beautiful than just about anything else!

 

So today, what will you do? Will you continue to shortcut across the lawn or will you stay on the sidewalk? Will you hide under a blanket, or will you bear witness to the beauty that comes from giving Him our pain?

Falling up the stairs to Heaven.

Tonight was amazing. It started when I was able to make a lifetime Confession right after work. What an amazing sense of healing and peace I walked away with!

I followed that with voting for a School Bond Millage that our district is desperately in need of.

Then we went to Taco Tuesday, our weekday tradition that is usually followed by Praise & Worship service.

Instead of P&W, tonight we had Night Three of our Mission with Fr. Ben Luedtke. Forgiveness, the importance of going to Confession often, and the beauty of Reconciliation with Our Father was the theme.

The entire day was so amazing, so beautifully orchestrated by God that I'm still kind of in awe of it all! Even little thing, minor situations, just played out perfectly.

What a blessing to be on the receiving end of such Grace! I cannot be anything but humbled and thankful for the amazing people He has placed in my life. ALL of you bring such gifts of richness, depth, and love. Thank you!!! I shudder to think of my life without all of you!

And on that note, I am heading to bed with my sweet little Stalker Dog. Sweet dreams to you all, may His blessings continue to pour down on you!!!!

That moment where the wind turns your umbrella upside down ...

 

I'm sure you've had a day like me,
where nothing seems to set you free
from the burdens you can't carry all alone ...

This is how I feel this morning. Not only have I NOT kept up on the blog every day, I don't even know where to begin with translating the incredible amount I am learning this Lent into something readable on this page. To top it off, I am failing miserably on staying meatless. Three times I have done it while in a hurry, only to stop on the last bite and go GAA!!!

That moment where you realize you just ate meat during your meatless Lent ...



Anyone know where I can find one of these?
It's like AA except it's for people like me who have
a writer inside but are afraid to really let it out.

I have continued to challenge myself, yet am struggling to put it down for others. Every day has been a struggle and success for me, so why can't I find the words to share with others so they, too, can experience the joy of overcoming with me? Why am I letting the lessons of the day become bottled up inside me? I'm not afraid to write. But I am afraid that what I say will be fruitless ... that it will mean nothing to anyone but myself.




 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

We have had the pleasure this week of having our Parish's Lenten Mission with the fabulous Fr. Bennett Luedtke. He is absolutely fantastic, and has confirmed that I'm on the right path. Yet I still feel stuck.

 

 

 

 

 

I am learning SO much, having SO much that I'm already putting into practice confirmed that my usual spasticness and difficulty staying on topic is even worse! Combine that with feeling like I've so much to say and not knowing where to start, I'm beyone mentally jittered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So once again, God speaks through my music. Francesca Battastelli, "Beautiful, Beautful." - "Don't know how it is you look at me, and saw the person that I could be. Awakening my heart breaking through the dark, suddenly Your grace - like sunlight burning at midnight, making my life something so beautiful. Mercy reaching to save me, all that I need You, is so beautiful, beautiful ..."

 

Followed by MercyMe, "My Heart Will Fly" - "Why this happened I cannot explain, why write the script with such heartache and pain. Could there not have been an easier way, watching life through this glass so faded? I cannot see the bigger picture taking place, oh to understand one day. My heart will fly, when I finally see You face to face, and my tears will fly. Away, away! It won’t be long 'till we all go home with all things revealed and on that day we’ll finally know. Oh, as we are fully known. My heart will fly when I finally see You face to face and my tears will fly. Away, away! And what appears as incomplete ws still completely Yours. And one day we’ll see as we’ve been seen, and we’ll soar! My heart will fly when I finally see You face to face, and my tears will fly. Away, away!"

 

Ok, God, I get it. "I get down, He lifts me up. I get down, He lifts me up. Every time I'm down, the Lord lifts me up!" (Thanks, Audio Adrenalin, for helping drive in the point lol.)

 

So today, I choose to fly. I will take the crap that's dragging me down, burn it and use it for fuel to lift me up. Because at the end of the day, it's not what happens to us that determines who and how we are - it's how we respond to what happens, it's what we do with those situations. I don't know if my ramblings will make sense or help anyone. But I know that they're from Him. I am doing my best to let Jesus live in and through me. I KNOW that when we do that, He will use us for good. So I write. Because I KNOW that is how I can impact those who I don't see face to face. Jeremy Camp's "Restored" puts it really well ... PLEASE take a few minutes to watch this video!!!

 

His way is so beautiful and so EASY once you start, It is so strong that I know no matter how much poo gets shoveled my way, I'm going to take my upside down umbrella and dance with it in the rain. Maybe I will even use it as wings. I've always wanted to fly like a bird over the ocean during a storm, anyways!!!  :)

 

How to Live Under and Umbrella During a Blizzard

Ever have one of those days where, no matter how much you love, how much you pray, how much you forgive, how much you do so much ... it's just not enough. Broken. Flawed. Crippled. Unusable. Disabled. That's how I've felt for the last few days, each day feeling progressively more and more so. Today, I'm at the point where I basically feel like the only thing I'm accomplishing well is being as valuable as a dastardly, flesh-eating bacteria. Like I'm trying to hug someone and all they do is complain about my short t-rex arms and giant destructive body.

I'm well aware that nobody ever promised this journey would be easy, fair, or all fun. We all know I'm a huge preacher of that very message. Yet there are still days where, despite the depth of faith I know I possess, I have far less than 100% or even 50% assurance that all will be truly well in the end.

Today, I am ending a very stressful week by having to leave my sick daughter at home while I go to work. To a job I love, for people I love, at a place I love. Where I do not feel very loved, especially lately.

But of course, God refuses to let me wallow in mysery. So while I am typing this, 'How He Loves Us' comes on ... and I get a text from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile reminding me that they love me, too ... and I DID get to meet my new niece last night ... and I DO have the most amazing family to be found for miles around ... and I DID get to spend a few bonus days with my other niece while her baby sister was being born ...

So the positive thoughts begin to flow in. And the negative is starting to fade a bit. Oh, it's far from gone. For example, I'm currently trying to convince Hubbs to go get margarita stuff as today is National Margarita Day. (Because what goes better with the winter blues and a Fish Friday than Margaritas!) I'm still in pain and feeling frustrated ... but it could be so much worse. Far from fully positive, but further away from fully negative.

So the next time I try to hug someone and they complain about my short arms, I will remind them that dastardly, flesh-eating bacterias have their positives, too ... they can be used to get rid of gangrene and kill off evil people - just for example, of course.  ;)

Singing Praises While I'm Rolling Downhill in an Avalanche

Bethany Dillon - Hallelujah

Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

Ginny Owens - If You Want Me To

Natalie Grant - Held

 

The theme is pretty clear this morning - praise God in ALL things, at ALL times. It seems a bit absurd and almost impossible when you just think about it briefly. So I decided to think about it deeper. Today I got an email about an extremely difficult personal situation we are involved in with one of our kids. It gave us insight and hope into a potential resolution. However, others of our kids will possibly be penalized by it. I'm faced with the decision to continue asking one of my kids to continue suffering, or possibly put the other two in a worse situation. I'm lost. I'm back to hopeless.

 

Then Meredith Andrew's 'Draw Me Nearer, Lord' comes on. I hear the words, "In your nearness there is healing, what was broken now made whole. Restoration in its fullness, lasting hope for all who come. In your nearness I take shelter, where you are is where I’m home. I have need of only one thing, to be here before your throne." In HIS presence, there is healing for ALL. Feeling a bit like a broken record, I go right back to the beginning: ALL things in love, ALL responses in love, PRAYER, and forgiveness. Suddenly, HE gives me the answer.

 

Will it be easy? Definitely not. Will we all face more hurt and pain? More than likely. But the cause of it is not US, it is not our FAULT. We will act in love, for what is best for our children. We will be ready with open arms when they are hurting and in pain. We will pray as a family for Christ to bind our wounds, to protect our hearts.

 

And most importantly, we will praise Him for He is good all the time! (All the time, He is good!) His love endures forever. Pain and trials are a part of this life. To blame ourselves for someone else's actions is as fruitless as saying God causes the pain that comes from the Evil One. HE is the light at the end of our tunnels ...

 

And right on cue as if to emphasize this point, Tenth Avenue North's "Times" is the next song playing:

"I hear You say, 'My love is over. It's underneath. It's inside. It's in between. The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel. The times that you question, 'Is this for real?' The times you're broken. The times that you mend. The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend. Well, My love is over, it's underneath. It's inside, it's in between. These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks. The times that you feel like you're falling from grace. The times you're hurting. The times that you heal. The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal. The times of confusion, in chaos and pain. I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame. I'm there through your heartache. I'm there in the storm. My love I will keep you, by My power alone. I don't care where you fall, where you have been. I'll never forsake you, My love never ends. It never ends.' "

This is immediately followed by Chris Tomlin singing 'How Great Is Our God', "Name above all Names, worthy of all praise. My heart will sing, how great is our God!"

And so today, I will speak in love. I will act in love. I will view all others in love. I will pray. And no matter what happens, I will PRAISE HIM, because, "You hold my very moment, You calm my raging seas. You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease. I trust in You, I trust in You.
I believe You're my healer, I believe You are all I need. I believe! And I believe You're my portion, I believe You're more than enough for me. Jesus You're all I need!" (Kari Jobe, Healer).

Turning the other Hand because I'm out of Cheeks to be slapped.

First off, I apologize for the two missing days. I've been fighting a case of pneumonia that is determined to destroy me, so the weekend was spent fighting back. On a bright note, I'm at work fever free so far. On a dimmer note, I haven't won ... yet. Muahaha!!

 

So today, I had fully determined to step up the game a bit more and add forgiveness to the mix. Judging by the first 3 songs Jango played today, I am thinking God agrees lol. This was confirmed completely by what my work day has brought. So here goes:

 

As many of you know, the last couple weeks have been a challenge as far as dealing with difficult situations and people. This morning, I came in to find out that a long-time parishioner who has been battling alzheimer's passed away this weekend. In addition, his daughter and her family are close friends of mine. The suddenness and finality of death always washes over like a tidal wave. Funerals are definitely one of the more difficult parts of my job.

 

In addition to burying both her parents within the last 5 years, my dear friend is now also struggling with being persecuted by the family of her father - aka HER family - for the way that she is handling his funeral. Which is exactly how he wanted it handled. And so, my job of getting information becomes, as it has so often before, that of friend and comforter. Because she is already a friend, the empathy I feel becomes much more intense, and I struggle not to become angry on her behalf of these family members who are causing more pain for her. Just as I'm about to form an edge, God speaks loudly and clearly through the music I have playing all day long. (He does this ALOT, by the way!)

 

I stop dead in my tracks because in the background, I hear the words of Shawn McDonald's Open Me. "I want to serve You, my God, I want to give you everything. I want to serve You, my King." Am I serving God, am I serving the deceased man's memory, and am I serving his daughter - my friend! - by letting anger take over? As Addison Road puts it well, "If everything comes to love, then just what am I afraid of? When I call out Your name, something inside awakes in my soul. How quickly I forget I'm Yours!"

 

Often I remember that everyone around me is cradled in the shelter of His love, but how often I forget to include myself in this! HIS love sets us free, free from pain, free from the burden of sin, free from the anger that is all to easy to be consumed by. So I choose forgiveness. Even though these people have no idea their actions have hurt me. The moment I decided to say, "Lord, help me forgive their sefish behavours!", I was flooded with a peace, and the words my friend needed to hear immediately flowed from my mouth.

 

Because I looked to His grace to forgive, she, too, will be able to forgive them. She was able to turn the situation over to God, to allow me and a few others to pray for the family members. And she is now able to fully honor her father's wishes, his amazing life, by planning his funeral exactly how he wanted it without the baggage and burden of frustration and anger.

 

I forgive you ... three of the hardest words to say, and even harder to mean. But once we embrace them, once we fully understand the burden of unforgiveness, how easy they become to live!!!

From Slashing Swords to Grace

People are a funny species. We desire love and acceptance from others, yet we treat them with fear and suspicion. We want their approval, yet we usher criticism. We have changed the 'Golden Rule' to be 'Our Rule' - Do Unto Others As If I Am The Most Important or Do Unto Me As I Would Have You Do Unto Me or Do Unto Others However I Feel Like Doing, among other translations.

Does this selfish mentality actually MAKE us better or more important, any greater or wiser? Does it ease our insecurities, our anxieties? Does it heal our wounds? NO! At the very least, acting for onesself only INCREASES all these feelings! It also creates confusion, chaos, pain for others. Is this really worth the few satisfying moments we may feel when we get what we want, or when we prove someone else wrong?

We live in a society that has blessings confused with material possessions, and peace confused with temporary satisfaction. Our paycheck, what car we drive, how often we win an argument, who has the bigger following on twitter and FB, all of these become confused with true success. How do we overcome these barriers to true freedom and peace? By acting in love and prayer! (Yes, there is definitely a theme this Lent lol.) Through love and prayer, we allow God to change us, and thereby allow Him to use us to change the world.

Today, however, I want to take it a step further: I submit that to act in love and prayer alone are not enough to change the world. We have to become love. We must become the Hands of Christ, the Heart of  Christ. After all, the Church IS the Body of Christ - isn't it about time we become His Body to the World?!?


I leave you today with a Casting Crowns song, "Jesus, Friend of Sinners", that says it well:

"Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away. We cut down people in Your Name, but the sword was never ours to swing. Jesus, friend of sinners, the Truth's become so hard to see. The world is on their way to You, but they're tripping over me.
Always looking around but never looking up, I'm so double minded. A plank eyed saint with dirty hands, and a heart divided.
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers. Let our hearts be led by mercy, help us reach with open hearts and open doors. Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours.
Jesus, friend of sinners, The One who's writing in the sand. Make the righteous turn away, and the stones fall from their hands. Help us to remember we are all the least of thieves. Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees.
No one knows what we're for only against, when we judge the wounded. What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did?
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers. Let our hearts be led by mercy, help us reach with open hearts and open doors. Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours.
You love every lost soul, You reach for the outcast. For the leper and the lame, they're the reason that You came. Lord, I was that lost soul, and I was the outcast. But you died for sinners just like me, a  grateful leper at Your feet!
'Cause You are good, You are good, and Your love endures forever. You are good, You are good, and Your love endures forever. You are good, You are good, and Your love endures forever. You are good, You are good, and Your love endures forever.
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers. Let our hearts be led by mercy, help us reach with open hearts and open doors. Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours.
And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast. You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet."

My Jagged Piece

So my blog this morning was written based on what God laid on my heart during my He-and-I time this morning. Little did I know just how soon I would have to put it into practice!

 

Today, I faced a difficult decision, a nerve-wracking meeting, and the reality that I am being called to pull my fragment of glass from where I see it to where He see's it. A piece of my own heart was cut by the very edges that I had unknowingly sharpened by placing myself outside of my spot in His stained glass masterpiece. And it hurt. It still hurts.

 

Life is NEVER easy. It is messy, it is dirty. It is overwhelming, and it is painful. But, it's supposed to hurt. Our hearts are supposed to break. We are supposed to fall to our knees in despair. Because when we are at our lowest, the only place we can look is UP! And so life becomes beautiful. When we offer up ALL of our situations to Him in prayer, He places the shards right where they belong!!!

 

I know that where I had placed myself is where God wants me ... but not yet. I took the timing into my own hands and in doing so, risked fragmenting other pieces of His masterpiece. Praise God that He placed someone in my path to warn me, to guide me, to love me, and to challenge me! It was not easy to speak in love when I sat there knowing that I am being removed from a situation where I have done so much good, from so many who love me, and want me there. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to walk away, especially when things are NOT falling apart. Today I faced and embraced the reality that I am being called to just that. And I am at peace knowing that I did it without protest, without defensive words or actions, without vengance.

 

I mentioned that the person God placed in my path had presented me with a challenge. And so in addition to today's first challenge to act in love at all times, I present to you the challenge I have been given, and that I gladly accept

:

Seek a spiritual advisor. Find a Priest or Deacon whom you can trust, and ask them to be your advisor. God will guide you to the one that is right for you, so don't worry about the 'who'. Focus your prayers on finding the right words to ask, and then just ask. Whether it's in person, through a phone call, a FB message, or an email. JUST ASK!

Stained Glass Windows

I am excited to report that yesterday went really well! By just a few hours into the day, I found myself responding to EVERYONE'S needs over my own, and it was EASY!!! I felt a joy and peace all day that I haven't felt in a long time!

 

Plus, I got to end the day with Mass and getting #ashtag-ged, so really, how awesome is that!!!

 

 

And now, on to today's challenge:

 

I have often looked at stained glass windows and marvelled at how all these broken shard of glass come together to create such a beautiful masterpiece. How similar to the family of God! We all come to Him, broken, as shattered glass. When we allow HIM to work in us, through us, we find that He places us right where He wants us, and we come together to create the most glorius masterpiece! Today, I present two sides to the story, two ways that we often try to move our place in His stained glass window:

 

God often calls us to things we may not be comfortable with, or away from an area we prefer to be in so we try to pick where we want to be placed. We decide that our glass doesn't fit with someone's elses and we resist His calling. This stubborness breeds rebellion, contempt, frustration, and discontent, among other things. Often, we begin to look at others and decide that they, too, are out of place. We then attempt to move them elsewhere, or at the very least, uproot them from where God has placed them. In doing so, we begin to judge and attack them. We may justify it by saying we don't feel God wants them there, or that they are not a good fit, or even point out their 'flaws and failures' to justify our actions. Our broken edges sharpen with each negative thought, and we begin to cut others rather than fit with them. Constructive correction turns to criticism. We become the sword that destroys instead of the hand that heals.

 

I suggest that there is a simple solution that will heal the pain inside ourselves and that we are causing others - prayer! When we begin to pray every time we want to criticize, we allow Him to work through us again. He is the Great Healer, the One who can move mountains. If He is able to raise the dead, then He can certainly heal the wounded heart! When we begin to pray instead of criticize, He causes us to love rather than judge. Our words then begin to bring hope and compassion. Our sharp edges are made soft again, and we find our way back to the place He planned for us all along.

 

Secondly, as humans, when confronted often our first response is to defend ourselves. Confrontation is not something we all like or enjoy, yet we do not hesitate to create it when we feel that who we are as a person is being attacked. But does this really help? Does it keep our integrity intact? Does it show love to the other person, and to their concerns? Does it alleviate the issues?

 

I am going to dare to say NO! Our HUMAN response is exactly opposite of what we should be doing. Let me break it down for you:

 

Jesus REQUIRES us to "Turn the other cheek", to "Love those who persecute you", even unto death! Does this mean that we should never defend ourselves? Certainly not! But we DO need to make sure that, when defense is required, we are armed with the Holy Spirit, with love, with kindness, and with empathy, so that we do not cross from righteous defense to indignation.

 

So my challenge for today is to responde to ALL situations in love, even if I have to bite my tongue off to do so. I will not allow myself to be negative or deragatory to anyone, no matter how much I may want to 'put them in their place'. (Speaking of, if we are all created in God's image, then the only place we should want to put people in in His heart ...) I will choose to ask His guidance in placing me where He wants me, and accept the fit He has for me. I will become part of His stained glass masterpiece, even if it means I am part of the foot ...

Ash Wednesday 'food' for thought.

I woke up this morning a bit grouchy as ususal about rolling out of my oh-so-soft bed into the cold morning. I completed my routine shower and facial treatment, pulled a pair of pants and sort-of matching blouse out of my closet while yawning lazily, and grabbed my boots. Dressed and perfumed, I checked the emails on my phone. 'Junk, delete ... spam, delete ... newletter, ignore ... work, don't want to deal with yet ...'

 

After glancing at the clock, brushing my teeth, and a little more awake from the sting of the mouthwash, my brain suddenly clicked into gear - today is Ash Wednesday. The usual tumble of thoughts followed, "The first day of Lent, Mass at 7:00 p.m., so begins my yearly fast from meat, good thing the kids are finally accustomed to fish so they won't fight fish Fridays and meat-free Wednesdays quite so hard this year, ..."

 

Somewhere in there, God turned on that light bulb that I first noticed for real last year but pulled the shade back down on, "I don't care so much about what you quit as what you start, my child."

 

So the real question is, what will I give back this year? Instantly, my question was answered - myself. And I don't mean that in just an 'I will go to morning Mass more, do Adoration more, study the Bible more' way. I mean in a total, entire, gift of body, mind, and soul way. And not just throughout Lent, in every day throughout the year.

 

Lately, I have been working to impress upon our kids that every decision we make has consequences even back to the Cross. Yet, am I living like that myself? Do I strive to take AWAY strikes of the hammer, lashes of the whips? Of course I do not intentionally cause them, but, again, do I actively strive NOT to? This is a question I continually present to my children, yet have avoided asking myself.

 

So during this 40 days of Lent, I challenge myself to do just this. In every situation. In every converstaion. With every thought. With every action.

 

Today, I unwittingly started with my employer. He is also my Priest, for those of you who don't know, so it can be a bit sticky at times lol. The first thought that ran through my mind was, 'I need to stop being so relaxed about getting to work on time.' Often I am just a few minutes late, which is graciously overlooked, but I know sticks in his craw. Without much extra effort on my part to get out the door, I was able to clock in an entire minute early! A small victory, I know, yet it set the tone for the whole day. Small things for a big change. And an eternal impact.

 

Naturally, I will need to be held accountable in this life change, so I am asking for YOUR help! Each morning, I will be documenting my results from the previous day (failures and all!), and adding the change I am striving toward for that day. It will take alot of Him, and prayers and input from YOU!

 

I'm calling it my 'World Love Dare Challenge for a Catholic Girl' ... and it starts today!!!

P.S. Isaiah 58:1-12 is some great reading for this challenge ... Fasting is about more than refraining from food or other pleasures. In this reading for Ash Wednesday from the Prophet Isaiah, the Lord explains that fasting that does not lead to works of charity does us no good.